You are sitting in a management meeting your boss asks you a question. You give an answer that he does not like. And that wakes the demons in him. He does not just talk to you sternly; he yells, curses, and reduces you to nothing. You look like an insignificant figure in-front of the entire management team as well as your client.
This is one of the situations many people face every day. It is even worse for women, who are mostly faith-hearted and cannot handle such humiliation. Such angry-reactions are pretty out-of-proportion. The worst thing is not also the abuses, but the reaction of everyone else. Many will sit quietly as this emotional volcano erupts in your face. Other employees will not dare intervene for fear of losing their jobs, perhaps.
Apart from the office situation, you may have a blood relative who makes your blood freeze. They are known for picking wars with everyone they meet. Where during family gatherings, or just in a social visit, they are no way of controlling their anger.
Some people are engulfed in anger as if it is their shield and armor. They use passion as a weapon to defend their harmful actions and attack others. We have often dealt with such emotional outbursts in life. In many cases, you will only hear advice from different entities, including yourself, for the angry lad to seek psychiatric help. We tell them they have anger management issues that will drown them if they are not careful.
But that is just on their level. Not many times have we taught ourselves how to handle people with emotional instability. We don’t want to be in their shoes, but we feel the effects they have on us. We must know how to keep at peace with such situations when they arise.
The first step is to understand why people have anger issues. There are varieties of reasons; including narcissism, competitiveness, low-frustration tolerance as well as low self-esteem. Apart from these, the emotional and physical condition of an individual prior can lead to such outbursts. For instance, you will find a person who is already tired, depressed, or anxious; it is very easy to trigger an anger episode.
Sometimes it is not even their fault that they are always angry. They inherit such emotions from parents. Those children raised in a hostile household will grow up knowing only anger as the solution to everything. The environment parents set for their children determine their future behaviors. According to Lynne Namka, a psychiatrist from Arizona, the energy of self-indulgent is contagious and can spread like a harmful virus. One member of a family can infect others with anger, which affects each person differently. Namka says some will cover in silence with hate towards others, while others demonstrate with angry outbursts.
Although anger is not good, it is not always an adverse reaction. For instance, sometimes, people have legitimate reasons for feeling upset. The only problem is, the one on the receiving end never has it easy. It will still create tension and suffering for everyone who crosses its path, no matter the cause.
If you are the one with anger issues, we would ask you to seek medical attention or find a hobby. Things are a bit different if you are the one facing the abuses. The following ways can help you deal with coping with animalist and childish characters in your life.
Carl Jung says, “Knowing your darkness can help you deal with others.” So, do you know who you are? How do you respond to angry people in your life? If you are that kind who barks back, or bows down immediately, understanding yourself can help you better understand the other person. Perhaps you are that angry type too, who yells at others. Master your own emotions, and it will be easy carrying other’s weight.
The reason why we get poorly affected is that we don’t try to understand the frustration of the other person and their background. Perhaps you already know how angry your life is, and you know what causes it; when you feel like burst out in response, take a deep breath and remind yourself it is not their fault. Anger issues are mostly because of discontentment, resentment, wounds, and misunderstandings. They may know how annoying their behavior is.
When the heat erupts, you will be compelled to react. There may not be enough time even to think and plan your approach; you are expected to think first. You may, therefore, try different methods to keep things under control. Some of your tactics will backfire and ignite the glowing splints into an unquenchable fire.
The worst thing you can do, for instance, is reciprocating with the same venom. This will only exacerbate the other person's anger to levels that may strip you of your dignity. Sometimes anger blinds and blocks all channels of self-control in the system; as such, one can even end up hurting themselves. Do not, therefore, respond to anger with anger.
Do not confront them about their behavior in the heat of the moment. Don’t even yell to them to “calm down” or “relax. Hugging or pitying evokes patronizing characters.
Do not be afraid of anger. Angry people can sniff your fear and take advantage of you. That is when things may turn into physical violence. Well, in that case, you may need to stay far from the individual. But don’t let angry words, raised voice, and loud demands challenge.
If you know there are people in your line who may erupt into angry monsters anytime, prepare in advance to protect yourself. According to a recent study from Stanford University, the more prepared we are to face angry people; the less likely we are to get infuriated. Look at the anger from their perspective and acknowledge their frustrations. Perhaps someone has just been fired, be ready to respond with positive statements always, like “I hear you.”
Making a discussion with an angry person when they are high is impossible. Wait until they are relaxed, and then initiate a healthy conversation. If it is a fierce boss, for instance, let them know how their behavior affects your performance. In the case of an angry and uncontrollably irrational boss, a calm and professional response is always the scoring card.
Sometimes an effort to resolve a dispute with angry people may fail. In such situations, wash your hands and remain kind. Otherwise, you can have a positive impact on someone by understanding them.
Jan 23, 2020